Using Relentless Empathy in the Therapeutic Relationship: Connecting with Challenging and Resistant Clients

| Author: Anabelle Bugatti, 2021

What’s It All About?

In her book, Anabelle Bugatti—also known as Dr. Belle—packs in deep, science-based concepts that help readers find value and connect with their community, and she does it all in under 100 pages! The only change I would make is perhaps shortening the title to simply “Relentless Empathy” to not scare away readers like me.

When faced with a decision, we want better information before we make our choice. By working with others and connecting with them, we find better information and more productive outcomes.

Since I’m no therapist, I went into each chapter wondering what kind of value I would get from it. In each section, I pulled out something that I could apply to leadership and relationships in operations.

I particularly loved one question posed in the book: are you a sponge or a mirror? I know that when someone gets upset, it causes me to get angry as well, or gives me the urge to flee the situation. This is why I love the mirror effect, where we do not absorb emotions like a sponge, but instead act as a mirror to connect with the other person without getting weighed down by their emotions. Through this method, we can connect and help in the most meaningful way, and provide others with the vital human need of feeling seen and valued.

Favorite Quote

“(Empathy) means being able to tolerate when people are difficult, seeing below the surface of their reactivity to their humanity, and keeping humanity in focus as we work through the challenges to get what every person needs in the end: Love, acceptance, belonging, and emotional safety.”

Biggest Takeaway

Even though I despise the activity of judging others, I catch myself doing it more than I like to admit! Dr. Belle’s way of unpacking this behavior really resonated with me. Now, I’m more aware and work to stay curious instead of judgmental. This is important to me because being in “judgment mode” makes it hard to form connections. And without connections, it’s hard to build meaningful relationships and productive outcomes.

Bonus information

Thank you to Kay Wolff Kripchak for recommending this book and not giving me an option to opt-out of reading it! It took my coaching practice, my personal relationships, and my views on society to a deeper level.

Reviewed by: Trevor Blondeel, April 5, 2022

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Mindfulness Manufacturing

Our show is about providing listeners with real stories that come from a place of experience, transparency, and authenticity. Most importantly it’s about what we learn from these stories and applying Mindfulness in our everyday work and personal lives.
Our intention is to create an environment where people can learn through open honest discussions on how we apply Mindfulness. Although our experiences and stories come from time in a manufacturing environment hence the title “Mindfulness Manufacturing”, we still see our discussions and topics relatable to any organization or profession.

When a mistake occurs on the plant floor, your mind might jump to one question: who caused this issue, and should I write them up for their mistake? But there’s a more productive approach you could be taking—and in this episode of Mindfulness Manufacturing, guest Dr. Jake Mazulewicz breaks it all down!

With a background as a firefighter, EMT, and military paratrooper, Jake knows the challenges of high-hazard industries, and works with organizations to reduce errors and create safer, more reliable workplace environments. In this episode, Jake shares why you can’t procedularize everything, including the way you handle errors and accidents, and offers great insights and stories about how to use connection and curiosity to improve safety, address errors, and strengthen your organization.

3:35 – Procedures and policies are the work that is imagined, and on the floor is how the work actually gets done

4:19 – The work as-done is almost always radically different than the work as-imagined

5:20 – Even when you have standards and people show up wanting to do a good job, you can still see issues that need to be addressed

6:44 – There will always be areas that absolutely need to have procedures in place

8:02 – There are also adaptive jobs, which leans less into procedures and more intro troubleshooting and tacit human knowledge

10:56 – In an ideal environment, both mechanistic and adaptive models are used and respected and needed

12:11 – There are four levels, ranging from strict procedurals to looser guidelines that show what to do, but not how to do it

15:36 – Tacit knowledge gets shared through conversations

16:22 – A way to share important information is to have frontline experts record videos sharing their insights to problems, especially those that are not covered in procedures

19:44 – Through conversation and connection, more knowledge is shared

21:58 – Debriefing also plays a central role

23:45 – If you have strong discipline, you’ll find more freedom

25:31 – In most situations, errors are signals, not defects

27:07 – When an error occurs, be curious and find the deeper cause of the problem

Connect with Jake Mazulewicz

Find him on Linkedin

Visit his website